Becoming the YOU you always were

April 20, 2018


These photos represent how much things can change in nine years.  On the left, a photo by Pixie Vision.  It was the first professional photoshoot I ever did, taken while I was in veterinary school.  At the time, my life was All-Science-All-the-Time, taking 32 credit hours of intense veterinary medicine courses.  The only exception was the couple hours per week that I taught dance.  Once a month I would perform at the school’s open mic.  Dance was my stress relief valve and my only outlet for creative expression.  Doing this photoshoot was a rare break from the grind, and it wasn’t much of a break—I have photos of me studying on the way to and from the photoshoot.  But in that hour with Pixie, she encouraged me to let loose and be myself so that she could capture my essence.  One of the random props I brought was this tiny iridescent marble.  As I held it between my fingers, Pixie said I was a wizard, and it made me uncomfortable because that was not at all how I viewed myself.  I was a serious scientist not a magician!  But looking at that photo now, I see what she saw:  a young woman with incredible creative and intuitive acumen, who has claimed the former (desperately) but looks away from the latter.


The other photo is a recent photo taken by my friend Hugh Clarke.  The teal-colored eye liner has migrated to a full head of teal hair, the make-up doesn’t feel at all forced, I am so much more comfortable in my skin, in my life, and with my intuitive expression.  The crystal ball has grown and I don’t look away from it, I share space easily with it.  I am here to share, I am here to help you uncover what you most deeply need to express and expose.


My life as of late feels like a complete confirmation of this.  My beta Authenticity Lab sessions are bringing weekly Aha moments to my clients.  “I love how this program is making me expand what I thought was possible for myself,” one of my clients said a few days ago.  And then last week I read tarot at a corporate event for the first time, and it, too, was an incredible confirmation of where I am and what I’m doing in my life. 


There were 8 of us tarot readers there, set up in an indoor courtyard to read for any lady who wanted to be read for.  They all wanted readings.  Before the event began, I visited with the other readers, several of whom I already knew through either Circus of Wonders or my clowning studies.  So, right off, I felt at home.  I had been invited into a corporate space to be myself, encouraged to wear all black to match the other people working the event, but also celebrated for wearing fun eye makeup, bohemian-style black clothing, worldly jewelry and bringing crystals to my set-up. 


Throughout the evening, I read a quick 3-card draw for about 40 ladies.  The pace we were expected to keep was manic, but necessary in order for everyone to have their turn.  It was also exhilarating.  Every time I read for someone, I tune in to them at a deep level.  It’s like I’m energetically hugging them the whole time, keeping them safe in the folds of my reading for them.  Imagine bearhugging with all your might for 3.5 hours straight!  You’d be full of oxytocin, but you’d also be exhausted.  I was both. 

One after another interesting person came to sit with me and share an intimate peep into their life.  I met a lady in her 50s who passes for ‘normal’ but really is quite magical; I met a young lady starting a family through invitro fertilization, I met a young woman full of talent who has a mean case of imposter syndrome, I spoke to one woman about a Hawaiian princess and she responded “I’m Hawaiian;” I spoke to another woman about the wheel of fortune representing the craziness of life, but at the center of the spokes, at the axel, there’s always hope and she said “My name is Hope.”  These are just a few of the incredible moments I shared—like I said there were about 40 ladies that I read for!


At the end of the evening, my body was buzzing and it took me a few hours to calm myself down enough to sleep.  I lost my voice.  I slept in til 11am the next day, and my brain didn’t kick in again until 4pm the next day.  It totally wiped me out.  But it was SO worth it. Every single querant (person I read for) said they got something helpful from the reading. Lots of people noted how they enjoyed my energy, or appreciated how at ease I made them feel.  Only two people had ever had tarot read for them before, and some of the many newbies came to my table a bit nervous, but they all left feeling seen and not at all nervous. Their confidence in me meant that despite the exhaustion, I left feeling fulfilled and inspired.


Anyway, I just wanted to share.  Is there some aspect of this story that reminds you of a portion of your life?  Do you feel like you’re still stuck in the first part of what was my nine year journey?  If you feel like you’ve made it to a place where you feel amazing in your life, what was the change that ‘did it’ for you? 



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© 2020 Alyssum Pohl for Awaken Authenticity